please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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