She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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