Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
