I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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