You're my little dorito
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This is the high leading the old right now
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
