The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
