Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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