I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
