someone threw a dead crab at me
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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