who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
