1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I supernannyed him into submission
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
