She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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