I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ketchup is God's man juice
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i want to swaddle you in tequila
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
