I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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