I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This baby is an asshole
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
