omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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