I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just cropdusted the office
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We smell like vodka and hangover
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