Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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