The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
