Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
