Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
