that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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