I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
