Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
