shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
