He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
