So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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