I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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