Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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