I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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