I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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