Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
