Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wanna go halves on a baby?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
