have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
