we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
