There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
