Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
