I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
