He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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