Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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