she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
