You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
