i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
