She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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