It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
