Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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