An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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