you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
