One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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