Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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