Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
