Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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